I don’t think there is anything wrong with keeping your sad feelings to yourself but when they turn to harmful feelings you need to talk to someone. You may think it won’t help or the person will judge you or every excuse in the book! But in the end you need to share your feelings with someone even if you think they won’t care. People care. Even strangers care. I know I do.

I get up and then stumble. My legs are weak. I find my balance and start moving forward. I walk slowly with eyes focused on the black door. It seems like it’s miles away before I will reach it. I start picking up speed as my legs seem to strengthen. All I see is black even though I’m surrounded by white.

Halfway there I feel the world shaking and pause thinking it’s an earthquake. I soon realize it’s me shaking from excitement and anticipation. Now I’m running the rest of the way to this door and suddenly it’s right in front of me.

I reach for the handle but hesitate. Do I know where this will take me? Am I willing to go through this place unknown? I answer these thoughts as I grab the handle,

Although the path is always the same, obstacles prolong my quest for the sunnier way. Lethargy may hit me and I just can’t move forward. I’m stuck. A tree may fall, trapping me in the darkness along with confounding me as to how to keep going. The long walk on this path sometimes makes me delirious and I become completely lost.

Being lost is always the worst. I begin to think I will never make it out and I’ll be stuck in this place forever. Thankfully I have managed to find light that helped me out but the fear still lives in me that one day I won’t be as lucky.

They cling to us as we run about.

Sun shining, it takes up the sky.

Our feet sizzle as we step onto the street.

Gasping for air, wishing hard for water,

We get brought down to our knees.

Heat has made us all delirious

And see a wave of water coming.

The water weaves like a snake,

Getting closer and closer.

An iciness touches my toes

I reach down in shock of its existence.

Bending to feel was my downfall

As the entire wave hit I fell below

While everyone else floated upwards.

Ears full of water muffled their laughter.

Looking up to see if anyone noticed,

I knew my needed help would not be met.

Too tired to reach the top on my own

I sat on the ground and closed my eyes.

Everything went black as I embraced the cold.

But my slumber was interrupted by a bright light

Forcing me to shield my closed eyes.

Swimming upwards to this light

I reached the top with air and cheers.

Looking up I discovered the light was the sun

Shining down onto me.

There are no lights to guide us through its darkness.

We will walk along blindly with the possibility of falling.

I will hold on to your hand tightly but you can let go anytime

And run back before we travel in too deep.

Are you prepared for the roughness ahead of us?

Make sure to take strong steps for the road is rocky.

It can get messy and muddy and there’s a chance of getting stuck.

We may get separated along the way or stumble

But I will always be near to help as long as you can help me.

Do you think you can take in all the ugly?

Things will be nasty and hard to see on this path.

Your life will be forever changed when you walk through.

It may be a long time before we see the light again

But trust me there will be beauty at the end.

As you reach down for my zipper.

I’m prepared for this dare

Ready to become worse for wear.

Pushed down with force

Nature is about to take its course.

Heat consumes my body

This sauna is suffocating me.

Even though all is bare

I still come up fighting for air.

Heart tries to escape my chest

Begging for a tiny rest.

Persistence to not be the first

Person to lose the dare and burst.

Noise level has passed a whisper

But is not yet loud enough for a stir.

You start to quicken the pace

But I can see it all laid out in your face

That you are about to crack

And soon grab onto my back

As if it would take away

From the scream that escapes.

So, my parents thought counseling was the best solution. My psychologist was someone who knew me since I was a baby so talking to her was pretty easy. The downfall to being so close with my psychologist though was that sometimes I didn’t tell her everything in fear of disappointing her. Eventually it did come out but it took longer than I feel it should have and sometimes I think maybe I wouldn’t have gone through certain things if I lacked the fear of disappointing her.

Anyways I guess I decided to write about this because a lot of the times I feel like I don’t need counseling and a few times over the years I would stop going to see my psychologist. But, every now and again I needed to go and I must say I’m glad it’s always an option for me.

Last year though when I went off to college my psychologist and I knew she couldn’t see me since I was many hours away but we would talk over my winter break. This never happened though. Unfortunately she passed away within my first few weeks away at college and I must say it was the first death to really affect me emotionally.

So, time passed and I didn’t find a new psychologist over winter break because it just slipped my mind. When I got back to school I remembered the offered a certain amount of free counseling sessions to students. I planned on going but I kept getting too busy to make an appointment.

Finally I made an appointment, but it was after a really horrible night and I kind of wish those events didn’t happen yet am thankful for them pushing me to get counseling. My first couple sessions kind of made me nervous and once I came back from summer break I did not plan on going anymore. I felt like I didn’t have enough wrong with me to see them and that I was wasting their time when they could be helping others with more serious problems than me.

Coming back to school this fall I decided to make another appointment though, just to see how things went. It’s hard to get a connection with a new psychologist after going to the same one for about 12 years. I wanted to give this a chance. Now I am going every two weeks and I’m slowly getting more comfortable delving into my thoughts and feelings with this new psychologist. I find counseling is very necessary for me because as much as I love my friends and can tell them anything there are some dark things that I would hate to burden them with.

My parting comment is that you don’t need to have a serious problem to go to counseling. Even if you are generally a happy person it’s just very helpful to go to someone and talk out things sometimes

Pass a flock of geese in a V.

Pass over a deep blue ocean.

Pass over some snow-capped mountains.

See the bright lights of a bustling city below.

See cars that look like toys traveling every which way.

Getting closer to the ground, “I can see my house from here!”

See people scurrying like a village of ants.

I have landed, feet firm on the ground.

I swish my cape and walk on.

I have grown into a large Gumbo Limbo.

Although I come close to reaching the heavens above

I still have many years before I reach them.

My skin is thick and it takes a lot to harm me,

But if you constantly pick at me I peel very easily.

My presence attracts many and they find me to be beautiful,

But if too many people crowd me I will not have any room to breathe.

Time in this earth is highly valued by me,

And I hope to reach my full potential before I am cut down.

Kneeling on the bed, staring into his eyes
As he stares back into mine; locked on me.
My hand moves up to caress his face,
He knows my thoughts.

A blink signals me that permission is granted.
I move in quickly with my lips,
And softly rub them against his neck.
There’s an involuntary intake of breath.

I open my mouth and take a bite,
Tasting his saltiness as I suck.
Once bitten, the animal takes over
And I am on my back.

There is a growl deep in his throat
As he looks at my body hungrily.
I lay on the bed bored underneath him,
Finding this change of person comical.

Until he comes in and takes a bite,
And the animal takes over me.